..my blahbberings..

for he was truly loved.

reinacai — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 06:28:36 +0000

i know.

only because i did truly love him.

A love story.

reinacai — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 16:01:59 +0000

When she was bedridden and could no longer speak, he went to her bedside every night. He read to her, told her about what he has been up to that day and read her her favourite poems.

I’m sure he did not think it was reporting to her. But it came from within, a genuine way of showing that he really wanted to share his life with her, and only she shall be the witness of his life, through the many public moments and the private ones.

I think that’s what makes a relationship work. Each person knows the other so well because they allow each other to do so, not giving any excuse for misunderstandings.

While watching a tribute to her on TV, there was a moment that I felt defined their relationship in that 10 seconds. Halfway through an interview with the media, Mrs Lee stood up and (I think that’s what it was) using a piece of post-it or paper, was trying to wipe Mr Lee’s perspiration off his forehead. He wasn’t ashamed of her, and he wasn’t angry. Instead, he smiled and said “she’s my director” when she was done.

Seeing them like that gives me hope that you can still find your soul mate. But at the same time, I fear. Because more often than not, you hope too much and it will never come true. And I shall be the only one left disappointed and bitter.

But, this is not about me. I salute her – for her strength, for her love. I think she’s every woman. And I do wish to grow up like her.

_____________________ on other thoughts i had yesterday….

Sometimes when things get hard, you just want to forget them. I try so hard not to think about things that have been difficult for me and obsess myself with finding new happier memories just so I can push those unhappy ones deeper within myself and hopefully never ever re-opening that box of horror. But just can’t wait for the day that I can be OK enough to just live with it. Because as they say what doesn’t kill you make you stronger. I wish I can live my life with both the happy and unhappy moments and still be able to smile and know that it’s OK.

But right now, I’m not there yet. Right now, I still want to bury them so deep that no one will ever know I even cried before. (although that’s really hard to achieve).

Who am I kidding? Every little thing can remind me of things / people that I’d rather not remember. It’ll be nice to have someone to hold my hand through these. Thankfully, I have my sister, my best friend.

but tomorrow, i’m running away.

has it been that long?

reinacai — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 13:43:47 +0000

tomorrow marks the 8th year. has it been that long?

thinking back on that fateful day 8 years ago makes the past couple of months seem like nothing. not that there’s anything to compare, and not that one makes the other less painful. it just reminds me that things will be okay in the end, as long as u give it time.

today feels like the circumstances that i was in then. everybody’s out doing their own things, she’s away, he’s away… and then boom. deal with it. sigh.

Random thoughts:

1. I need to learn to take things slowly. I keep packing every second of free time I have with things to do that it’s really taking a toll. I can’t be too obsessed with the “doing”, it’s giving myself so much stress! Chilling is good too man… Just breathe, just breathe.

2. Learn to feel good about myself. Change my wardrobe, change the way you tie your hair.

3. Spending does make me happy.

4. Time to learn something new.

2 days later.

reinacai — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 13:06:01 +0000

this struck me 2 days after i bought a book for a friend. i think i crossed the line that i’ve drawn or should have drawn.

i need to withdraw now.

so i wrote down my thought on a piece of paper at work and decided to post it while i’m home. i need to remember this.

“i will not go knocking on doors looking for love anymore.

but if love shall come knocking, i will answer promptly.”

and that’s that.

Of all of them, i liked strawberry strudel most.

reinacai — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 10:11:10 +0000

yummy yum yum.

best eaten in the evening, by the pool, under the stars, with someone you can talk anything to, topped with a candle. *wink.

over.due.

reinacai — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:29:44 +0000

it seems at times like this, i tend to blog. because i find myself needing an alternative avenue to share my thoughts since the withdrawal of the main.

this time, i didn’t want to. but this moment is one i want to remember in my history.

bought a pile of books some months back.. was so excited about it that i made my dad drill in shelves and a new light in a corner of my room. seems like it was almost 6 months back.

today marks the day i finish the first book that i’ve book on my own. i’m sure my friends would join me in giving me a pat on the back.

it wasn’t a great book. one of those u find in the top 10 charts every time u go to borders. but something drew me to it. maybe it’s the cover that shows a girl in her underwear. but i just think there’s something to be learnt from this book. how a girl who obviously knows what she’s doing is wrong, her endless and pathetic need for something or someone to fill her emptiness..

anyway, the book ended with this..

“i climb into bed, and half-asleep he rolls toward me. He slips an arm around my middle and nuzzles his face into my neck. I close my eyes and listen to him breathing. How lovely that sound is. Maybe, I think, I don’t have to be great at this; maybe I just have to be good enough.”

Ooooo.Mmmmm.Gggggg.!!!

reinacai — Tue, 18 May 2010 07:20:31 +0000

ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!

it’s too amazing. I have so many things to shout about and get excited about today..

well actually 2. i had 2 things in mind that i had wanted to do and i’m finally finally getting down to it.

i am amazed at myself. yes! i can do it!

reina! good job!!! *pats*

ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod!

ah, it’s almost time.

reinacai — Mon, 17 May 2010 18:07:09 +0000

if only it were another 50 days.. if only.. then perhaps i can really do it.

i’m really confused and torn. hmm. what should I do?

maybe i need to run away, to a place where you’ll never guess.

*swoooosh*

reinacai — Mon, 17 May 2010 11:06:32 +0000

Was researching some stuff online and came across this. Read on.

So someone posts:

“I am bored in my hotel room?any advice on whats interesting to do?”

And (obviously) a guy replies:

“I’ve spent a lot of time in hotel rooms and I can tell you, the best thing to do is wander down to the nearest bar! The only thing to do late at night in a hotel room since the pool and everything else is closed is to drink but if you don’t have a minibar or don’t drink (or want to watch pay-per-view porn) you can

1. Weigh yourself naked.

2. Weigh yourself naked, holding your toothbrush.

3. Take a dump and then weigh yourself naked to see how much much your dump weighed.

4. Watch SportsCenter and try to predict if the next commercial shown on ESPN will be for a razor, a beer, a tire or a soft drink.

5. Attempt to duplicate the perfect triangle folded into the edge of the toilet paper roll. Fail miserably. Admit to yourself, finally, that you are as dexterous as a platypus with 10 thumbs.

6. Call the concierge and flummox her by asking her to recommend a good glory hole.

7. Iron your underpants.

8. Set the ice bucket on the opposite side of the room and try to throw your freshly ironed underwear into it.

9. Blog.

10. Call the guest in the room next door and hang up when they answer. Repeat. Repeat again. Listen through the wall for swear words.

11. Weigh the in-room coffee maker.

12. Open the yellow pages to the “escorts” listings and write “For a good time, call the concierge” in Sharpie across the entire page.

13. Streak down the halls of the floor you are on”

Maybe someone can try that the next time you go for a business trip and you’re bored.

random thoughts over the last week

reinacai — Thu, 13 May 2010 17:32:57 +0000

wasn’t the best curtsy but it’s done. now, i only have to walk off the stage.

it’s nice to have someone close back in my life. i had it, lost it, hated it while it tried to find its way back and now i’m appreciating being able to be there for this someone. thank you for coming back. you’re always welcome.

re-think. after making a huge decision, i’m urged to re-think because i have caused disappointment and he only wants what’s good for me. so re-think i shall?

hair. hair. hair. one more week, if not, i shall do something drastic to it again.

things i want to do. i shall not procrastinate any longer. this sat, i attack. oh wait, i have started! *pats*

going to miss them so so much. it’s never going to be the same again! i could cry right now. damnit.

i never thought i’ll find a jigsaw i like.. but i did. and i’m crazy in love with it. i think i need another just cuz it’s so purrrrfect.

it’s ok, it’s alright. nothing to worry. what’s a quarter of a century old? and i’m not even there yet.